From An Upbeat Rock Tune to a Jazz Standard in the Key of G

I am going completely off the top here with a goal of finding the right words to let the excitement for this life I have lived and am living, roar out louder than a lion in the Sinharaja Jungle in Sri Lanka. I will go as far as saying that the wellsprings of integrating my norm with experience has given me just a bit more modes of expression to work with. I won’t be stretched too thin trying to translate my words into a language that you can understand. Instead, I will use this point in my scribing as a key moment to let my thoughts unravel in such a way that they manifest a response to the topic at hand; my getting old. Hopefully someday we will be hanging in a village together near you to discuss it in person, but for now, I will try to let the words flow in the best manner that I can.

Who I Am

Through education, exploratory work and support, I have been able to maneuver through life in the time frame that was set for me by the person who custom created me to do so. I wish I had a handful of photos to prove it, though I am known to keep momentum of my journeys by taking selfies to post on Instagram in these exotic places I have discovered the harmonic depths of, but most of my memories which stemmed from these personal adventures, stay frozen in time in my mind and so I have the intimate agony of trying to let them flow out into your capture as sweet as the Kelimutu Crater Lake in Indonesia.

I was able to connect with cultures that were not exactly in my lane but I wanted to know more about what was beyond my picket fences. I Mean behind them was a great upbringing, quality education, culture, family and love. Beyond them was something quite different than what I had called home after I learned how to no longer crawl and walked right into the thing we call life. 

Some of my habits I encountered were as draining to them as theirs was to mine. Culture you call it. How can you extract someone out of their nature? Others will call ways that are different to them annoyances.  I wanted to experience life for myself anyway. I trusted my instincts and withstood the criticism while I tried my best to nip other people's  weirdnesses in the bud. I mean, I was having a good time, so why not?  I thought then that no one should ever wipe clean from their agenda, experiencing the vibrant hues of another cultural more if able to take in the goodness of it and allowing yourself to be exposed to other methods of getting through the days and nights. I have learned that with understanding comes tolerance and to let go of the blinding vision of just what I know and what I am told is important can be a good thing but then again, who said that other ways are better? Yet, you never know if you don't see for yourself.

As my age continues to rise to a climax, I look at all my striking features and see the past epochs of time deep in the abyss of my eyes. My smile shines like the brightness of heaven. I remember so many different events that made me transpose the version of me from who I was to who I have become. All the obstacles I had to overcome to get to this place makes the oasis in which I stand today, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

I know that the world keeps on turning no matter what earthquakes come to bring turbulence into my life. I have a foot wedged into the door of tomorrow and yet, my head sometimes still faces yesterday as I revive old mistakes from the days of my youth. At some point, I will eventually spare myself the headache of stressing over what could have, should have, would have been because I know it is pointless. What is, is what matters the most.

Who I Was

My life was once an upbeat rock tune that was way too darn hot, with mature language and rated R. I had exterior perfection but what’s it all mean if you do not have presence of quality mind? I didn’t look at the world I inhabit as ambitiously as I do now though the rhythm of life in that particular moment was totally gnarly. But nothing changes if guilt does not gnaw at you sometimes. And that is when I knew that it was time to adjust my sails and simmer down the beat.

My Song and dance started to change for the better. I had the desire to know more about how I could revise my being and to make better decisions. Even the smallest effort could result in a monstrously big change. I learned Jeet Kun Do under the guidance of Bruce Lee, kicked my old torrent in the bud, increased my knowledge which made me change in direction and thought and social situations, and now I am a jazz standard with horn and piano solos in the key of G.

My senses have reconvened after all these years. Everything along the path that lead me to this cakewalk has facilitated my current stance. Life has been a constant giving of myself and taking pieces of who I never thought I would be.  I guess you can say, attitude sometimes can be like a Broadway play for the enjoyment of many. I can admit that I have extrapolated from the strings of a Marionette in many instances. I mean, we have all done things that we wish we didn’t do in the past because we didn’t have discernment to choose what was right. Or maybe we did, but we took a detour and then suddenly, reality came gushing at an alarming speed and it forced a shift in focus.

And Now For the Feature: Who I Am Becoming

Who said that there was an appropriate age to craft a new strategy? Who said we couldn’t react to our own messes and decide to clean them up? And who said, we couldn’t create our day around planting new seeds in the garden to flourish into the sun?

What I can say is, I have seen and done a wealth of things. I have been through much wear and tear and now I am trying to simply stay proactive while getting by in this world.

I was once addicted to pain, not letting go and pivoting back to all the hurts that I never forgave myself for. I lived like a talebearer reprising stories in my mind and letting my heart shatter countless times. But knowing that experience sprung from blood, sweat and tears are the mere fabric of life. I see all these greys on my head and I know that I have lived. Now I use my past encounters as inspiration.

I stand in the mirror looking at all the unique foundational elements of the woman God created in me. I am a person of poise. I have pride and belief in my own heritage. Blessings fall fresh on me like the therapeutic waters of Montecatini. I know for a fact that I am a multidimensional, complex character and I am okay with that. And I look at all my wrinkles and realize that I have come a long way. And I look at all my scars and am grateful that I have won victory over numerous battles. And today, I weep with joy as I thrust into my birthday week with nothing but history in front of me, songs to sing about it and a voice to let them ring.

A new age and a new purpose is about to be mine and I know age is nothing but a number but, I am talking about 1,229,904,000 seconds of breathing in life. Time has moved along fast. When a parent says their child is 4 going on 20, they are not kidding. Time waits for no one and if you do not pay attention, you will let it pass you by without even flinching. Every anniversary of my birth date makes me a little depressed as I think about the years of experimentation and atmospheric turbulence that preceded my today, but then it makes me realize that there has been so much more of the insanely stylish positives to fashion around my heart and a promising future to think about. 

So many breakthroughs and so much to be thankful for in this life that did not break me because God has always been there interceding for me. I am so loved and very thankful to sit in this iron throne of age coming to grace my life.