I have my moments where I am overcome with sad thoughts and it happens at the same time every year, though my accident was well in the past, I still experience the psychological traumas of it.
It seems like on the anniversary of it, I start reliving the bad experience from a distance. I start getting sick; even to the point of paralysis where I cannot get out of my bed or start experiencing all these pains in my body that hadn’t been there and make me ail.
I often wonder if I should be desensitized by the situation by now. I mean, my river of knowledge is far beyond that night and time when my accident occurred. So much time has passed and so many events have taken place and yet still, my near-death experience changed my whole entire world of limitless abundance and I am back to confusion, in a frenzy and in tears, and paralysis masks my joy.
My uncle made me realize that I am able to choose my response to life the day after it happened. While I was ready to stay in bed crying and blaming myself about what happened and thinking of all the terrible things that could have happened, including my head being cut off and my life coming to a sudden end, he was ready to make me feel like life was still worth living. My mind tends to flirt with all the could have would haves and then I feel depressed and sick and I stiffen in response to the memory on the anniversary. Sometimes I wonder if I will be latched to this event forever. I guess I am still seeking clarity of how something like that could have happened to me. I even sometimes taste fear of driving, synchronous to the anniversary date, on my tongue.
I realized through this entire experience that if we dwell on dilemmas, we will never transcend the boundaries of them. I realized that what was encountered happened and cannot be changed because it is part of my history. I realized that it is unhealthy to live a life blaming yourself for something that happened or might have happened when it is well in the past and not my present reality. And I also realized that with my story, I can inspire others and help others who might have experienced something similar to me.
When I wrote the song, Enjoy Life, it was based on this situation. I wanted to slip away and forget that life still goes on regardless of what happened. The lyrics are based on my living, breathing history telling myself that I can still enjoy life even though life happened.
By releasing my thoughts onto paper, I made it justifiable for me to move past it. And what made it even better for me was being able to get up on stage on the anniversary of my accident, to tell people about it and to sing to them my lyrics to “Enjoy Life” to let them know that it is okay to embrace each day to the fullness of it, regardless of our situations.
Check out the music video for my song Enjoy Life here: https://youtu.be/alV2ULnr9z8