Flashback: Stepping Back Into MY Day Dream

"Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner.

Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control

and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory."

– Arthur Ashe

I was told to bring dresses, gowns and to look nice. I did not know what to pack, though I knew I would need to look red carpet worthy where it was most important; the most important being at the Tatarstan Filarmonia in Kazan, Russia.

I had waited for that moment for such a long time. I imagined it in my mind, never considering that my dream would come into fruition. And then it did and I had to be my best on the stage, regardless of the cold that the deep freeze of Russia was gripping me with.

I was like a pressure cooker about to explode with excitement at the reality that it was happening for real. The simple idea of it was something worth salivating over and finally, I was at the point where I could tweak the image in my mind like a filmmaker as I literally stumbled into the vivid situation.

I looked like I was serious about what I came to do and confident on the outside, but on the inside, I was hiding my fear of either coughing on the stage in the middle of a song or having a runny nose on the stage, during my performance. But I couldn’t deny the fact that I had finally reached a vision I had only saw in the REM of a daydream. Here are some other photos from that night as well as a piece of a performance that solidified the thought, "Yes, I am here, singing with an orchestra; "At Last!"

With Anatoliy, the condutor of the
Tatarstan Filarmonia Orchestra

With Oklahoman singer and my duet partner
at the Tatarstan Filarmonia in Kazan, Russia,  Tavis Minner

With the Tatarstan Filarmonia Orchestra

Poem: The Destined Manifest

“Music I discovered that night, was a sanctuary,

a safe place to hide, a place where scars didn't matter,

they didn't exist.”

- Len Vlahos

I sat there clapping in rhythm,

listening to the elastic sound that had struck a chord with me.

I approached the atmosphere that had been taken over by music.

I was taking in tones and feeling all rhythmic.

As limber as a rubber band became my mind;

Peacefulness and love in me began to climb.

My body forgot all about the knowledge

that I’d been burning the candle at both ends.

It had been a grueling week but them sounds

like an energy booster somewhat ironed out the kinks.

I started to leave my troubles behind

as I approached the stage with my glowing light.

The groove was in full swing and I was readying myself

for the destined manifest.

The mystic I’d been longing for was finally in my hands.

Sorry, I don’t mean to be so candid,

but I was tired as shit and experiencing a cold.

I was hoping that the nasal drip thing wouldn’t on stage unfold.

Seeing the faces of the crowd however was spiritually transformative.

Nothing like the sound of music to give me more strength.

I hit the stage, holding my head up high and with the mic in my hand.

The backdrop like the midnight sun; a beautiful illusion.

Thank God for a highly responsive crowd

that made me make more of an effort.

Thank God that I didn’t fall with my stiletto heels

I was wearing under my long flowing skirt.

Thank God I remembered every word

and that my voice didn’t crack.

And thank God that when I tried to hit my high notes,

I didn’t have a cough attack.

Yeah I laid out my individual expression

as the orchestra added their unique contribution.

Yeah I was diving deep into the music

and was drenched in the oscillating fusion.

And yeah, it had been a block of days that I’d once only dreamed of

that hit my heart like a funky guitar riff in a song that I just love.

The mere thought was now my, in the moment, reality.

Yet it wasn’t the arena that made it a safe zone.

I think wherever the music is,

will always for me, be a sanctuary.